Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Effective Communication 1: Being a Listener

When we are communicating, we listen and speak alternately. How we listen (being a listener), how we speak (being a speaker) and when to say things are 3 important elements in effective communication.

Being a listener

1) Active listening – Collecting information
When others speak to you, stop your works on hand, pause all your thought in mind and focus on the speaker. Pay attention to their words (content), expressions in their eyes, voices, body gesture etc and try to see from their perspective. Imagine their emotions behind based on their situations, experiences and backgrounds etc. Don’t interrupt the speakers before they finish. Give them minimum responses such as saying uh huh, nod, smile, raise your eyebrow or other body language whichever appropriate.

Words do not tell us a lot but the speakers’ body language and our intuition help us to pick up a lot of information. Do not think that “but I’m not intuitive”. We all have this potential to a different extend. Intuition might be affected by different factors; one of them is our attentiveness to the present, in this case to the speaker. 

Through active listening, we pick up more correct information from the speakers. We also show the speakers that we respect them, which makes them feel being appreciated or at least feel that they are matter to us

When come to close relationships, or when relationships become closer, some of us tend to unintentionally “take it for granted” to a certain extend and do not seriously paying attention when the other party is talking. It is a relationship’s killer when it happens constantly or become a habit. We should have stopped our works on hand including leaving our sight from the TV/computer screen and put down our mobile/blackberry on hand etc.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

How is Self Growth Related to Our Relationships, Our Body, Mind and Spirit?

S1. Self Growth (BMS + ReSelf)
Diagram S1
How big or beautiful is our sky greatly depends on our Self Growth in working with our Self Cycle and Life Cycle

So what is personal development or Self Growth?
Self Growth is a continuous process that can happen at anytime where we put our personal commitment and bravery into working with our Self Cycle and Life Cycle so that we have a better life, freer soul, more integrated self or become more harmonious with the universe. Self Growth is our own personal responsibility and choice. How big or beautiful is our sky greatly depends on our Self Growth in working with our Self Cycle and Life Cycle.

View also:
Self Cycle Part 1: Are Body, Mind and Spirit Connected?
Self Cycle Part 2: In Which Way the Body, Mind and Spirit are Connected? 
Life Cycle Part 1: How are Relationships and Self Connected?
Life Cycle Part 2: Why Grow through Relationships

Why Grow through Relationships

C2. Life Cycle (ReSelf) – Part 2. Why Grow through Relationships
Diagram C2
Life Cycle
How do we know whether our Self (Self), our body, mind and spirit are balance or very well functioning? One of the ways is through relationships (Re), the reciprocal party of the Self.

Since the Self and Relationships are interconnected and influencing each other as mentioned earlier, when we have issues in relationships, we received a hint that our body, mind and spirit are not at their balance status or have some spaces for improvement. Willingness and openness of picking up the hints and working with those issues open up our path of growth. This helps us in enhancing our body, mind and spirit conditions, which will give us a better life or freer soul. Growth through relationships provides us a mean to break the imbalance Self Cycle of body, mind and spirit and enhance it.

When we don’t have big issue in relationship, our body, mind and spirit might be well functioning. We can also always grow by learning effective or beneficial practices in relationships and cultivating better or more harmony relationships. This will continuously enhance our balance and function of body, mind and spirit, which then helping us to become more self-contained, in peace and blissful. Growth through relationships provides us a mean to continuously strengthen the Self Cycle of body, mind and spirit, which also helping us working towards the “whole”, our “true self”, continuous integration or a more integrated self. 

When we are open enough to growth, we can grow from almost every relationship around us. I’ll talk more about this in future.

View also Life Cycle (ReSelf) – Part 1: How are Relationships and Self Connected?

How are Relationships and Self Connected?

C2. Life Cycle (ReSelf) – Part 1. How are Relationships and Self Connected?
Diagram C2
Relationships and Self are Interconnected and Influencing Each Other

When our body, mind and spirit are balance and function well, we have a healthy body, we feel energetic, our spirit is powerful, we speak positively, we bring pleasure emotions to ourselves and people around us. These bring us harmony relationships. Which in return brings us the feeling of love and peace, lift up our self esteem and positive mind set, healthy body and powerful spirit. And this goes on and on like a cycle. We could enhance it continuously.

Contrary, when our physical is unhealthy, our spirit is weak, we speak negatively, we bring toxic emotions to ourselves and people around us. These bring us unpleasant relationships or issues in relationships. Which in return negatively affects our body, mind and spirit. And this does go on and on like a cycle as well. The important thing then becomes – breaking the imbalance cycle.

The Self (Self) which is influenced by the body, mind and spirit, is interconnected with all its Relationships (Re).

View also Life Cycle (ReSelf) – Part 2: Why Grow through Relationships

In Which Way the Body, Mind and Spirit are Connected?

C1. Self Cycle (BMS) – Part 2. In Which Way the Body, Mind and Spirit are Connected?
Diagram C1
Body, Mind and Spirit are Interconnected and Influencing Each Other;
Self is affected by the Balance of Body, Mind and Spirit.
Interestingly and fortunately, the connection of body (B), mind (M) and spirit (S) is not in a one way direction. They affect each other, which provide us with more ways to “alter” what had been “wrong” or more opportunities to improve what have not been good enough.

For example, the mind (the way we think, in our mental level) affects our body and emotion, continuous positive thinking also heighten the spirit energy level. On the other hand, a strong spirit is helping to lift up the mind and body strength. Have you ever wonder what made some critically ill cancer patients or others won their battle of illness and live many more years later? We are fortunate that we do not need to go through such pain and pay such price as they had to seek growth. Studies had been done about body, mind and spirit, therefore here I’m not going further into it. 

Below are some links which you might find useful. I might add and share more good links in future if I found more. 

Our body, mind and spirit are interconnected. It’s all about their BALANCE.

Small pixels make up a bigger picture. The bigger picture comes from small pixels.
Details are important. So does the bigger picture!

View also Self Cycle (BMS) – Part 1: Are Body, Mind and Spirit Connected?

Are Body, Mind and Spirit Connected?

C1. Self Cycle (BMS) – Part 1. Are Body, Mind and Spirit Connected?

When our body is at ill, do we feel weak or energetic? When our body is ill for more than one week and we feel weak, do we tend to talk to ourselves positively or negatively? Do we more likely to say to ourselves “Hello beautiful world! Such a good day! :)” or “Oh come on, why am I still not recovering? :(” Does our mood tend to be at the high pitch or low?

When our body is very ill and we talk negatively with low pitch or mood, does our soul feel powerful or fragile?

When our Body is ill; it affects our sensation (we feel weak), our Mind (our mental activity, the way we talk to ourselves or others), our emotion (the low pitch or mood) and our Spirit (the fragile soul). Thus, body (B), mind (M) and spirit (S) are connected.

Imagine people who are seriously ill or has critical illness, what are the conditions of their body, mind and spirit?


Other than illness that we can see/feel, there’s health condition/status that happen inside our body system which we couldn’t see/feel (yet). For example a person who has unhealthy level of blood circulation might not realize it for years, etc (in which many times even the sophisticated medical science couldn’t trace it until at the very critical stage of disease). Thing that we don’t see doesn’t mean that it does not exist. It might exist and might have been playing its role behind our vision.

Our internal body system quietly affects our sensation, emotion, mind and spirit ALL THE TIMES! No matter how subtle it is or whether we can feel or see it.


View also Self Cycle (BMS) – Part 2: In Which Way the Body, Mind and Spirit are Connected?

How Relationships Affect Our Body, Mind and Spirit?

R2. Relationship Impacts
Diagram R2
Relationships Affect Our Body, Mind and Spirit

 
Our relationships with people, environment and self affect us differently and related to our body, mind and spirit.

Life is All about Relationships

R1. Relationship Areas (PES)
Diagram R1 
Life is All about Relationships
Relationship is regards to relatedness or connection. Since we were born we are related and connected to our parents, caregivers and/or siblings etc and having relationships with them. Our relationships expand as we enter school and other communities. Generally, we have close relationships from the origin family; less intense relationships with other people in the communities; and more intense relationship with our spouse or partner. All these relationships with people (P) affect us in different ways and intensity.

Relationships with environment (E) happens when we relate ourselves to the societal or culture expectations, try to adjust ourselves to the extent that we are accepted by the communities or accommodated to the society. It also happens when we are quietly connected to the universal energy which we might not easily aware of.  

Relationship with self (S) is the most intense, even we might not aware of it sometimes. We are connected to ourselves every minute and second. And it might affect us to a great extent.

We are having relationships all the time since we were born to our death.

What Makes Us Human

N1. Nature and Nurture (NaNu)
Diagram N1
Human is the Product of Nature and Nurture
As stated in Diagram N1, human is the product of Nature (Na) and Nurture (Nu). We are all unique. There’s no such thing as people who have 100% same inherited traits and acquired experiences. We have our own sacred ways in most areas. We have our own choices, consciously or unconsciously. We have our own way of interacting with the world. So does our path of growth!